Space Corps Directives! because Red Dwarf FTW!!!

[WarPoodle]

001: it is a prime overriding duty to contact other lifeforms, exchange information, and, whenever possible bring them home
003: by joining Star Corps each individual consents to give up their inalienable rights to life, liberty and adiquate toilet facilities
005: the ships computer may be replaces when its actions leads to the grossentangerment of personel.
147: crew members are expressly forbiffen from leaving their vessel, except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the cheif navigation officer, who is expressly forbiden from issuing them except on prodiction of a permit.
169: in an emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a time share schedual.
312: all quatentine births must provide minimal leasuer facilities.
349: any officer found slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chemelonic lifeform shall foreft all personal rights
497: a crew member must work to earn credits for food.
592: in an emergency involving tow or more officers of equal rant, sinority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR.
595: allows an officer to keep people in quarantine for 3 months, however if the people can use space corps directive 699 to demand rescreaning after 5 days, if no trace of disease is found they can leave quarantine.
597: 1 bunk per registered crew member.
699: a quarantined crew mwmbwe can request a rescreaning after 5 days.
723: terraformers are expressly forbiden from recreating Sweeden.
997: work done by an officers doppleganger in a parallel universe can bot be claimed as overtime.
1694: during temporal disturbances no questions shall be raised about any crew member whos time card shows them clocking out 187 years before they clocked on.
1742: no member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.
1743: no registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt with no deflectors.
5797: crew members are unable to enter the ship within an area of chameleonic lifeforms, for the safty of the crew.
7214: to preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of first technition must be ready to put on a dress and false breasts.
7713: the log must be kept up to date at all times with correct service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive list of all crew birthdays, so the senior officers may avoid bitter embarassing silences when they meed subordinates in the corridor who have not recieved a card.
34124: no officer with false teath shall attempt oral sex in zero gravity.
43872: suntans will be worn durning off duty hours only.
68250: a Rabbi shall sacrifice one or more chickens in an attempt to solve a crisis situation
196156: any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exersize bike in the womans gym will be disscharged without trial.

[Keira Kelly]

loL! I do remember directive 34124... wasnt rimmer trying to list off a directive and he made a random number which kryton recited as that?

On another note... quotes time!


Kryten: [waking up after a night of partying] Oh, my goodness... Oh... my head. Oh, what happened to me? Damage control report. Oh! Dehydration level, 45%. Recall of previous evening, 2%. Embarrassment factor, 91%! Advised repair schedule; reboot startup disc, offline for 36 hours and replace head. Boy! What a night!

[others groan and start to wake]

Kryten: Is it just me, or is that cockroach shuffling too loudly?

Rimmer: Kryten, it's called a hangover, don't panic.

Lister: We're on a mining ship, three million years into deep space... can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?

The Cat: Hey! It's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone! It's the police woman's helmet and the suspenders I don't understand!